Imminent Danger And How to Apply Social Media to It
by BigSlowTurtle
Summary: Eris, Varrin and Miguri's adventures are told for the first time completely through social media. Based on Michelle Proulx's Imminent Danger And How to Fly Straight Into It series.


Eris Miller: I have no friends…

Eris Miller: Wait a second, that means if I adjust my privacy settings, I can post anything I want on my Facebook wall!

Eris Miller: I cheated on the chemistry test last week!

Eris Miller: Every time my roommate Mallory opens her mouth, I want to punch her in the face!

Eris Miller: My last date was in a bathroom at Subway!

Eris' Mom: What kind of date occurs in a bathroom at Subway?

Eris Miller: FML.

Lisa Brightman has sent Eris Miller a pity friend request!

Eris Miller has rejected Lisa Brightman's pity friend request!

Eris' Mom has suggested Eris Miller read the book "Men: 888 Reasons Why I Hate Them"

Eris' Mom: The first 200 reasons have to do with how they smell!

Eris Miller: God, you are so blocked.

Eris Miller: Oh man, I'm late for science class!

Eris Miller has joined the group Alien Abductees! The truth is out there!

Eris Miller: Oh man, now I'm REALLY late for science class!

Eris Miller added "Been abducted by psychotic blue aliens" to her Life Events!

Some Crazy Lizard Guy has poked Eris Miller!

Some Crazy Lizard Guy: Slurp!

Eris Miller: That's it, I am so reporting you.

Some Crazy Lizard Guy: SLURP!

Some Crazy Lizard Guy has changed his name to Captain Hroshk!

Captain Hroshk has changed Eris Miller's language settings!

Eris Miller: Oh thank God I can understand you! Hey, could you explain what was up with the licking thing?

Captain Hroshk: It's how I say hello. I'm 1/8 golden retriever.

Eris Miller to Miguri Ma'aktilli: Hi! What's your name?

Miguri Ma'aktilli: Garka blooka flonsh glick!

Eris Miller: Hang on, let me use Google Translator on this.

Miguri Ma'aktilli (translated via Google Translator): Orka blarka forko flish!

Eris Miller: Hmmm, that isn't much better. Curse you, Google Translator!

Grashk has changed Eris Miller's language settings!

Eris Miller: We can finally talk now! Do you want to be friends?

Miguri Ma'aktilli: That wasn't a different language! I was choking on a peanut! Why didn't anybody help me!?

Eris Miller has sent Miguri Ma'aktilli a friend request!

Miguri Ma'aktilli has accepted Eris Miller's friend request!

Captain Hroshk sent Eris Miller a friend request!

Captain Hroshk is awaiting reply.

Captain Hroshk is awaiting reply.

Captain Hroshk is awaiting reply.

Captain Hroshk is awaiting reply.

Captain Hroshk is awaiting reply.

Captain Hroshk: YOU WILL ALL BOW BEFORE ME!

Captain Hroshk: MY CAPS KEY IS STUCK.

Captain Hroshk: I SPILLED PEANUT BUTTER ON IT.

Captain Hroshk: THE SSRISK ENGINEERS ALL LAUGHED AT ME.

Captain Hroshk: I'M SO LONELY.

Eris Miller to Miguri Ma'aktilli: So what do the Ssrisk do with you Claktills?

Miguri Ma'aktilli: They sell us as pets.

Grashk recommended a book to Miguri Ma'aktilli on Goodreads: "Baby's First Claktill! Teach it to sit up, roll over, and even use the bathroom outside!"

Miguri Ma'aktilli: I won't make it easy for you, I promise you that.

Captain Hroshk to All Prisoners: REPORT TO THE BRIDGE!

Eris Miller: What kind of desperate loser includes his military rank in his Facebook name?

Captain Hroshk: I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO PROVE TO YOU!

A Mysterious Raider has boarded the Ss'rask'kla'miss!

Captain Hroshk: I like to wear frilly pink dresses!

Grashk: WTF?

Captain Hroshk: If you see any strange messages from me, please ignore them. Some raider hacked my Facebook account.

Captain Hroshk: Corn has a funny effect on my digestive system!

Captain Hroshk: See that would be an example of it right there. Knock it off!

Captain Hroshk: Sometimes I cry myself to sleep!

Grashk: Was that the raider again, sir?

Captain Hroshk: …no.

Grashk has poked A Mysterious Raider!

A Mysterious Raider has poked Grashk!

Captain Hroshk: I believe in you, Grashk! Use the force!

Grashk: That's it, I am so unfriending you.

Tarsis has deactivated his Facebook account!

Eris Miller: Wait, who was this guy again?

Eris Miller and Miguri Ma'aktilli have left the Ss'ras'kla'miss!

Eris Miller: Things cannot possibly get any worse for me!

Miguri Ma'aktilli: You're new to the whole 'alien stowaway' thing, aren't you?

A Mysterious Raider has changed his name to Varrin Gara'dar!

Varrin Gara'dar has sent Eris Miller a friend request!

Miguri Ma'aktilli to Eris Miller: Look Eris, I know Varrin seems charming, but he's a Rakorsian. They're untrustworthy,

Eris Miller: Those are all excellent points Miguri, but have you in fact considered how hot they are?

Miguri Ma'aktilli: I had not. Carry on.

Eris Miller has changed her status to In A Relationship!

Eris Miller: Feeling really good about this one, guys!

Lisa Brightman: YOU'RE in a relationship with _that_ guy? Suuuuure you are.

Eris' Mom: DISLIKE!

Eris' Mom: Wait, hang on Eris, how are you posting this? I thought you were dead or something.

Eris Miller: Just got back from a steamy make out session with Varrin Gara'dar in the engine room!

Varrin Gara'dar: It was great for me too, Eris! I wasn't thinking about other women even ONCE. And that's a really big step for me! In fact-

Gook: Hey, gotta talk to you.

Varrin Gara'dar: Whoops, hang on a sec.

Varrin Gara'dar has changed his privacy settings!

Varrin Gara'dar has changed his privacy settings again!

Varrin Gara'dar: Hey guess what, Eris? I have a surprise for you!

Eris Miller: Oh boy! I like surprises!

Varrin Gara'dar has invited Eris Miller to the event A Lifetime of Slavery at Chakra Corporation!

Eris Miller: It turns out I do not like surprises.

Varrin Gara'dar: SURPRISE!

Eris Miller has changed her relationship status to So Very, Very Broken Up.

Varrin Gara'dar has posted a photo in his album: Me & My Girlfriend on Vega Minor!

Trystan Gara'dar: Why is your girlfriend wearing handcuffs?

Varrin Gara'dar: I'll tell you when you're older.

Eris Miller: I HATE YOU SO MUCH!

Eris Miller: This sucks! Now we're going to be slaves forever!

Miguri Ma'aktilli: What are you complaining about? At least you got to make out with the hot Rakorsian.

Miguri Ma'aktilli: My… my privacy settings weren't enabled there, were they?

Varrin Gara'dar: Nope.

Grashk: Nope.

Alyra: Nope.

Captain Hroshk: Nope.

Tarsis: Nope.

Eris' Mom: Nope.

Alyra has recommended an article on Wikipedia to Eris Miller and Miguri Ma'aktilli: "Chakra Corporation: Where human rights go to die!"

Miguri Ma'aktilli: I'm actually missing the Ssrisk ship right now, you guys.

Captain Hroshk: Missing you too, bestie! ;)

Miguri Ma'aktilli: Never mind.

Doctor T: My name is Doctor T and I'm here to say! I'm the rappingest Triila in the USA! I look like a flashlight – I'm a scary ass thug! Put me on your front porch – I keep away bugs!

Eris Miller:…what?

Doctor T: Drop a beat, Dr. Marku!

Dr. Marku: I really wish I took that job with IFTAP.

Doctor T: My name is Doctor T and I'm here to say! I'd like rap for you in a rapping way! We'll party at night clubs with funky laser beams! And then I'll take your brain out and you'll start to scream!

Eris Miller: If he kills me now, I won't have to hear him rap anymore.

Miguri Ma'aktilli: That's it, Eris! Look on the bright side!

Doctor T has posted Eris' Brain on his Facebook wall!

Eris' Brain: Finally, I'm free! I couldn't stand it in there! Eris' Heart kept going on about how cute that stupid raider was.

Eris' Heart: HIS HAIR WAS SHAGGY AND I LOVE HIM!

Eris' Hair has deactivated its Facebook account!

Varrin Gara'dar: Oh dear Kari, you look like Professor X!

Eris Miller: I hate you more than anything else in the world.

Alyra has invited Eris Miller and Miguri Ma'aktillit to the event Getting The **** Out Of Chakra Corp.

Eris Miller and Miguri Ma'aktilli are attending the event!

Doctor T: This is most un-radical, my homies.

Alyra: Welcome aboard, my new friends! I do apologize for the earlier deception! Now just relax and prepare for our long, peaceful journey back to Psilos.

Eris: I'm BORED!

Alyra: Oh dear. I know, we could recite poetry!

Eris: I wonder what Doctor T is doing right now?

Doctor T: My name is Doctor T and I'm here to say! I'm going to rap for you with a hey, hey, hey! I wear funky gold chains, and…

Everybody In the Known Universe has unfriended Doctor T!

Doctor T: Most un-radical.

Varrin Gara'dar has sent Eris Miller a friend request!

Eris Miller: Um, how about HELL NO!

Eris' Heart: But his hair_… shaggy…_

Eris Miller: Quiet, you!

Varrin Garadar to Eris Miller: Here, will this make you happy? I wrote you a poem.

Eris Miller: You did what?

Varrin Gara'dar: I'm very, very sorry that I sold you into slavery

The fact you're not dead shows you have lots of bravery

Now let's **** on this table until it's all quavery

Eris Miller: I hate you more because of the poem than because of the betrayal.

Trystan Gara'dar: Hey! You stole my poem!

Varrin Gara'dar: Let it go, or I'm telling Dad about your photo album of you in the Moofa costumes.

Trystan Gara'dar: …I'll be good.

Captain Hroshk: MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS STILL STUCK. WHY WILL NOBODY HELP ME? I'M GOING TO GO EAT A WHOLE TUB OF ICE CREAM.

Grashk: Eating won't solve all your problems, Captain.

Captain Hroshk: I'M SO FAT!

Varrin Gara'dar has poked Emperor Ka'zarel!

Trystan Gara'dar has been invited to join the group Emperor Ka'zarel's Heir To Rakor!

Trystan Gara'dar: Yay! What does this mean?

Emperor Ka'zarel: It means you take down that ****ing photo of you in the Moofa suit, or I will shove that photo right up your ****ing ***!

Trystan Gara'dar: Awww…

Emperor Ka'zarel has received a two week ban for inappropriate use of language!

Emperor Ka'zarel: **************************!

Eris Miller: Vega Minor feels really cold today. Maybe that's because I'm _missing my hair._

Varrin Gara'dar: Kari, I'm sick of your complaining, terrestrial.

Eris Miller: My name is Eris!

Varrin Gara'dar: You have a NAME!?

Varrin Gara'dar has invited Eris Miller to Madam Zhia's Hair Salon!

Miguri Ma'aktilli: I'm telling you Eris, you must not trust the Rakorsian.

Varrin Gara'dar: That's it Eris, take romantic advice from the species that has sex with trees.

Eris Miller: He… he's kidding about that, right Miguri?

Miguri Ma'aktilli is offline!

Eris' Hair has reactivated its Facebook account!

Eris Miller: First I was all angry with Varrin about selling me into slavery, but now he's bought me some nice things and I'm starting to get over it!

Eris' Mom: Dislike!

Some Bald Dude: Generic sexist comments!

Varrin Gara'dar: WTF? It's on now!

Miguri Ma'aktilli: I think he insulted me as well as Eris. Are you going to defend my honour too?

Varrin Gara'dar: When did YOU get here? I thought I left you back at Chakra Corp! For Kari's sake – anyone want to buy a used Claktill?

Doctor T: I do!

Varrin Gara'dar has poked Some Bald Dude

Some Bald Dude has challenged Varrin Gara'dar to a Pokémon battle!

Some Bald Dude has sent out Jsgarn!

Varrin Gara'dar used Knife Attack! It's not very effective!

Jsgarn used Stab Attack! Uh oh! Varrin Gara'dar has been poisoned!

Varrin Gara'dar has been hurt by the poison!

Varrin Gara'dar used Knife Attack! A critical hit! The foe's Jsgarn has fainted!

Varrin Gara'dar has been hurt by the poison!

Varrin Gara'dar has fainted!

Some Bald Dude and Jsgarn have deactivated their Facebook accounts.

Some Bald Dude: I regret nothing!

Jsgarn: I never saw Paris!

Eris Miller has checked into The Starlight!

Jsgarn: Where are you people going!? Take me with you!

Varrin Gara'dar: I don't say this often enough, but my brother is a special treasure, and he means the world to me!

Trystan Gara'dar: Really!? I always thought I embarrassed you!

Varrin Gara'dar: Gah… that was a drunk post. I blame the morphine - please ignore that.

Trystan Gara'dar: Awww…

Eris Miller and Varrin Gara'dar are attending the Starlight Ball!

Varrin Gara'dar: Crap, hang on a second.

Mimi and Aedar Korlethi are attending the Starlight Ball!

Kraigoth to Eris Miller: Hey, is everything okay with you and your date?

Eris Miller: It's fine, thanks. It's nice to meet you!

Kraigoth: Want to dance?

Eris Miller: Sure! Hey, before this goes any further, I have a quick question. At any point in your life would you ever consider selling me into slavery to a bunch of mad scientists?

Kraigoth: What!? Of course not!

Eris Miller has unfriended Kraigoth!

Eris Miller: Mind if I join you in the pool?

Varrin Gara'dar: Sure. Sorry again about the whole "selling you into slavery" thing.

Eris Miller: It's okay. You did save my life and all, so I guess we can be friends.

Miguri Ma'aktilli: GODDAMNIT, SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO RELAX IN THE SAUNA!

Varrin Gara'dar: I smell wet Claktill.

Miguri Ma'aktilli: I used conditioner! Let it drop!

Miguri Ma'aktilli has sent a friend request to His Entire Extended Family

Miguri Ma'ktilli's friend request was denied by His Entire Extended Family

Varrin Gara'dar: Take that, fuzzy! Nobody cares about your stupid family issues sub-plot! My family issues are MUCH more interesting!

Emperor Ka'zarel: Hey Varrin, so the empire knows the pain your birth brought me, I sacrifice a thousand captives each year on the day you were born.

Trystan Gara'dar: What about on my birthday?

Emperor Ka'zarel: Two thousand.

Trystan Gara'dar: Awww…

Eris Miller has posted a review of The Starlight!

Eris Miller: Quiet staff, very discrete. When I showed up with an unconscious shipping magnate, they handled the situation very professionally. They didn't have to amputate his arm or anything, though honestly I wouldn't have minded too much if they did that.

Admiral Kratis: We have you cornered, Prince Varrin! I have an entire armada at my disposal! There's no escape! I'm going to throw your broken, bleeding body at the Emperor's feet!

Varrin: Activating Pull.

Admiral Kratis: Wait, you can't… AW CRAP! It's really hard to catch a guy when he can just teleport at will like that.

Eris Miller has updated her location to Earth!

The Dean has invited Eris Miller to Academic Advising Appointment!

Eris Miller: I ditched the last semester of school because I was abducted by aliens.

The Dean: That's why we have correspondence courses. Consider yourself expelled.

Eris Miller: You're not very understanding considering I sound like I've had a mental breakdown.

The Dean: EX-PELLED!

Eris' Mom: Eris! I'm so glad to hear you're home safe! Stay right there so I can come find you!

Eris Miller: Yeah, this is awkward… I kinda need to run off for another undetermined length of time with absolutely no contact with you whatsoever. Talk to you in a year or so, assuming I don't get brutally killed. Bye!

Eris Miller: Oh and before I forget, I also dropped out of high school. Sure hope that private school tuition's refundable.

Varrin Gara'dar: Oh, and I totally made out with your daughter. Then I sold her to a mad scientist, but it's cool – we're still friends.

Eris' Mom: This is the worst Mother's Day ever!

Eris Miller has updated her location to Not Earth!

Eris Miller has posted a review of Earth!

Eris Miller: Lots of water; the atmosphere was nice. No evil mad scientists was a plus. The staff wouldn't leave me alone though. I would visit again if in the area, but only if all the good places are booked up.

Doctor T has invited Eris Miller and Miguri Ma'aktilli to the event Chakra Corp Annual Picnic! Catch up with old friends, enjoy a nutritious lunch, and watch Dr. Marku perform vivisections on living Vekroni! Be sure to stay for the three-legged race!

Eris Miller: There is no way in hell I'm going to that.

Doctor T: Curses, foiled again!

Dr. Marku: …sir, I still don't want to be your partner in the three-legged race.

Doctor T: YOU WILL OBEY ME OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!

Admiral Kratis' Striker has sent Varrin Gara'dar's Intestines a friend request!

Varrin Gara'dar's Intestines has declined Admiral Kratis' Striker's friend request!

Eris Miller has updated her location to Sneaking On Board the Rakorsian Ship!

Varrin Gara'dar: You don't… you don't tell them that's where we actually are.

Eris Miller: Whoops.

Admiral Kratis likes this post!

Eris Miller has updated her location to Dairy Queen!

Captain Hroshk: BRING ME BACK A MILK CHOCOLATE BLIZZARD!

Captain Hroshk to Admiral Kratis: We have mutual friends in Eris Miller! How do you feel about joining forces to murder her and all her friends!

Admiral Kratis: I eagerly look forward to tearing them limb from limb!

Captain Hroshk: OH ADMIRAL KRATIS, NOBODY'S EVER UNDERSTOOD ME LIKE YOU DO!

Captain Hroshk and Amiral Kratis are in a relationship!

Admiral Kratis: A BUSINESS relationship, just to be clear.

Captain Hroshk: I thought I told you to log off and come to bed!

Admiral Kratis: Coming, dear!

Eris Miller to Grashk: Hey! What are you still doing here?

Grashk: I was just headed back to Earth to recruit some more slaves, so some other innocent people can endure the hell you went through.

Eris Miller: Oh Grashk, I've missed you so much!

Varrin Gara'dar: Eris, you REALLY didn't have any friends before you met us, did you?

A Dozen Ssrisk Soldiers have invited Miguri Ma'aktilli to join the group Inevitably Doomed Boarding Party

Miguri Ma'aktilli has declined the invitation!

A Dozen Ssrisk Soldiers have invited Miguri Ma'aktilli to join the group Inevitably Doomed Boarding Party

Miguri Ma'aktilli has still declined the invitation!

A Dozen Ssrisk Soldiers have invited Miguri Ma'aktilli to join the group Inevitably Doomed Boarding Party

Miguri Ma'aktilli: Okay! Okay! Jeez!

Captain Hroshk: OH ADMIRAL KRATIS, NOBODY MUST EVER KNOW OF OUR FORBIDDEN LOVE!

Admiral Kratis: Take this post down. Now.

Captain Hroshk: Why, what's the… oh.

Captain Hroshk has adjusted his privacy settings!

Varrin Gara'dar likes this post!

Captain Hroshk has changed his relationship status to Single!

Grashk: Sorry to hear that. What happened?

Captain Hroshk: Difference of opinion.

Admiral Kratis: By "difference of opinion", he means he slept with a dozen Ssrisk soldiers in my private quarters.

Captain Hroshk: WE WEREN'T EXCLUSIVE! WHY MUST YOU TEST OUR LOVE!?

Captain Hroshk has tagged A Dozen Ssrisk Soldiers in a photo!

Admiral Kratis: Totally NSFW, by the way.

Eris' Mom: OH DEAR GOD, WHY DID I CLICK ON THAT!?

Varrin Gara'dar has taken the quiz "What To Say When Your Girlfriend Is Taken Hostage"!

Varrin Gara'dar has scored 0% on the quiz "What To Say When Your Girlfriend Is Taken Hostage!"

Eris Miller: You miserable piece of *********************!

Eris Miller has received a two week ban for inappropriate language!

Fino'jin has recommended a book to Varrin Gara'dar through Goodreads: "Man Up! How To Stop Whining Like A Little Bitch!"

Varrin Gara'dar has poked Fino'jin!

Fino'jin has poked Varrin Gara'dar!

Varrin has gifted Fino'jin with Roofie!

Fino'jin: Can't type… fingers going numb… iwhfodnlivvxjnjkchiuvhlxnxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Captain Hroshk has changed his relationship status to In A Relationship Again!

Grashk: Sir, we've been over this. It doesn't count as a relationship if you pay them.

Captain Hroshk: I TOLD YOU THAT WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING!

Grashk: Misunderstandings don't happen twice.

Admiral Kratis has invited Varrin Gara'dar to Dramatic Final Showdown!

Varrin Gara'dar has accepted Admiral Kratis' invitation to Dramatic Final Showdown!

Captain Hroshk: YOU STARTED THE FINAL SHOWDOWN WITHOUT ME!? I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL! EAT STRIKER BLASTS, YOU CHEATING BASTARD!

Admiral Kratis: AAAAGGGGHHHH!

Captain Hroshk: I love you so much! This hurts me more than it hurts you!

Admiral Kratis: _Somehow I don't think that's true._

Admiral Kratis has deactivated his Facebook account!

Captain Hroshk: I'm firing my laserz! Pew! Pew! Pew!

Eris Miller: Ow.

Varrin Gara'dar has gifted Captain Hroshk with A World of Pain!

Eris Miller has posted an ad on Kijiji! "For sale: Slightly Used Lamri. Milky white colour, medium size. Slight crack in casing, but should still work nicely."

Emperor Ka'zarel has purchased Slightly Used Lamri!

Emperor Ka'zarel: THIS LAMRI WAS DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR! YOU ARE AN INSULT TO ONLINE RETAILERS EVERYWHERE! I WILL DESTROY YOUR HOME PLANET AS WELL AS YOUR FEEDBACK RATING!

Eris Miller's feedback rating has lowered to 1/5!

Eris Miller has posted Captain Hroshk's Innards on her Facebook wall!

The Entire Imminent Danger Fanbase likes this post!

Captain Hroshk has deactivated his Facebook account!

Fino'jin has poked Varrin Gara'dar!

Varrin Gara'dar has gifted Fino'jin with Another Roofie!

Fino'jin: Not again, you piece of lwjoivhjljckgfhlvkukhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Miguri Ma'aktilli: Rakorsian, this is highly unethical! You should be ashamed of yourself!

Varrin Gara'dar: Miguri, you are so right about that. Here, have a breath mint.

Miguri Ma'aktilli: Thanks, I adfkjghefbfunllllkjlskklffffffffffffffffffff

Eris Miller: Okay, who knocked out Miguri!?

Varrin Gara'dar: I think it was Grashk.

Eris Miller: My life is so awesome right now! My friends are safe and we defeated all the villains!

Doctor T: My name is Doctor T and I'm here to say! I'm a rappa-tappin' Triila, so get out of my way!

Eris Miller: Well, we defeated most of the villains.

Varrin Gara'dar: Eh, two out of three is close enough.

Alyra: Hello everyone! I'd like to come back into the story now! I can recite poetry, and I can knit, and I can play the trombone! Can I be a main character?

Alyra: Is anybody there? Hello?

Alyra: …I'm never going to be a main character, am I?

Eris Miller has changed her relationship status to It's Complicated!

Varrin Gara'dar: Isn't our relationship like that pretty much all the time?

Eris Miller: Good point.

Eris Miller: I'm back home, everybody! I know I disappeared for several months, and then disappeared AGAIN, and everybody thought I was kidnapped or dead. But don't worry – I'm okay and I'm home safe!

Eris Miller: Seriously? Nobody's even going to reply to that?

Ghost of Captain Hroshk: I'M GLAD YOU'RE HOME SAFE!

Lisa Brightman to Varrin Gara'dar: Hey, you're really hot.

Janice: You should ditch the ugly girl and come hang out with us.

Mallory: I can't tie my shoes!

Varrin Gara'dar: Sorry ladies, I'm in a relationship. Well, I'm sort of in a relationship. It's Complicated, apparently.

Janice: That sucks! Now where are we going to find a mysterious stranger with exotic good looks?

Doctor T: Hello ladies. I am a tall, handsome human from a distant city. I'm intelligent and professionally successful. I'm also a doctor!

Mallory: OMG, dibs!

Varrin Gara'dar: Will you marry me!?

Miguri Ma'aktilli: Why did you post this on your wall? Did you mean to send somebody a message?

Varrin Gara'dar: Oh yeah. Sorry, this stupid planet's Internet connection is terrible. Let me try again.

Varrin Gara'dar to Grashk: Will you marry me!?

Grashk: …. Let me think about it.

Varrin Gara'dar: Whoops. CURSE YOU, INTERNET!

Eris Miller to Varrin Gara'dar: I'm not going to marry you because you're still just coming to terms with the concept that other beings deserve to live. Also, I've only known you for a few months. Also, you sold me into slavery that one time.

Varrin Gara'dar: When are you going to get OVER that!? The Claktill got over it!

Miguri Ma'aktilli: It's not my fault! He has very pretty eyes.

Eris Miller: Attention all human friends! I will be leaving Earth forever, and will likely never see you again. I will treasure your friendship forever in my exciting new life in the stars.

Eris Miller: Seriously!? NOBODY is going to respond to that?

Mallory: LOL, who are you and why are you showing up on my friend list?

Eris Miller: Okay Varrin, let's get the **** out of here.

Eris Miller to Eris' Mom: Hey Mom, I survived fighting off the alien slavers and saved the Earth. I met this great guy, but I can't tell you anything about him because he's sort of a wanted criminal. We're going to be on the run with our gang for a while. Talk to you in ten years or whatever. I know you like it when I check in.

Eris' Mom: This is the worst birthday ever!

Suggested Post - Intergalactic News: Varrin Gara'dar is still at large! He is suspected to be in the company of a human and a Claktill! In other news, a Chakra Corp doctor has been accused of falsifying his credentials; claiming his doctorate was in theoretical physics when it was in fact in art history.

Doctor T: THAT IS A DAMNABLE LIE, AND YOU WILL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER!

Eris Miller has changed her relationship status to Just Married!

Eris Miller: I didn't post this! What's going on!?

Varrin Gara'dar: Guess what Eris? I have another surprise!

Eris Miller has changed her relationship status to It's Still Complicated!


End file.
